A Question

We all at some point have been someone’s dictionary or rather Wikipedia. Maths, games, music, trends, threads you know answers to all their questions. But, sometimes this someone asks you a question you wished you never stumbled upon. You wished you never heard it ever again. You wished… You just wish it didn’t exist.

We all have our pasts, and somehow, we are all not proud of it. There is this weird thing about past, it just doesn’t seem right to anyone. Even though, military men say about their past pretty proudly, there are somethings they don’t share, and if you know the deeper secrets, turns out they aren’t very proud either. But what is it with the past? How could 7.1 billion different pasts be not proud of themselves?

We have made choices we didn’t want to. We were obliged to do things. Now, years later, that we think of it, it seems like the choices we were forced upon, were the fruit of the choices we made or were forced to make in the “then-past”, and those came from the “then-past”. The chain is long and repetitive and seems like the choices we have made were all wrong and so we are not proud of our past? Is that it? We don’t tell everyone our story because we made same choices we are ashamed of? Or might be, it is just that you never went hunting and killed a half ton animal?

We have made decisions in the past not because we wanted to, but because the other choices were scary. “I cannot split up with him!” Is a phrase I heard from a girl, who had called me over and had been crying for nearly an hour or probably more because her guy cheated on her. She had been crying for probably day or months now, those swollen eyes and dark circles contrasted her smile on seeing me. Yes, you cannot split up with him, because you are afraid of your friend’s reaction, your family’s reaction and more so, you are afraid to be single again. You were alone for at least 16 years? 15 or 14 maybe? but you were single and you wanted no one back then! Your Barbies and RC cars were all you needed to spend a good day. So basically, we are not proud of our past because we were afraid at the time we made that choice and we don’t want anyone to know that even “I” could be afraid? We don’t tell our stories to anyone because we are afraid of their judgement? Or might be it’s just because we have never been able to spin a fidget spinner for more than 2 minutes?

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Our past is a part of us, and there could be no reason why you aren’t specifically proud of something that’s your own. I don’t see a reason why a gym-newbie isn’t proud of their half-inch bigger biceps, I don’t see a reason why you aren’t proud of the “C” you got on a test, you had failed earlier. I don’t see a reason to not be proud of our pasts and I don’t see a reason to not to be someone’s Wikipedia anymore.

There is nothing like the past, it is the best story you know, because it is the only story you have lived.

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