FUMBLE

Do you believe in stars? Astrology? Nor did I.

Do you believe in fate? I do, and I believe that however adverse thing might seem right now, somethings are meant to be, and they’ll fix no matter what.

I’m 19, and this is a note to someone I may have met, or might meet in the future.

I’m an old-school lover, and once I say it to you no matter what    we fumble, we fight, we don’t fit, we split up, you walk away, I’m always going to be yours. I’ll try to fix everything till I’m bleeding because for me there is no turning back, and I’m sure I won’t regret in fact I’ll take pride in it. No matter what are our chances of getting back, no matter what the world says, I’m gonna fight until I have you back.

I take pride in the people I love and the little things I do for them. I’m going to buy you everything that catches my eye, I’ll buy you the most expensive gifts and spend all my savings down on your every birthday. If it’s not your birthday, I just love to surprise you, and well all of these don’t count to me so never mention them, I do that so once in a while I could see awing and smiling, and if you wish to mention, smile when you are wearing them. Your smile is what counts to me. But if you don’t like something I do or if I fumble, say it. It’s not going to hurt, I’ll do everything else for you, and also things I’ve never done for myself. Just never say something condemning about people I love, for a matter of fact even about yourself. I’m going to get really pissed if you do so, and it’s not going to be a good day, if it was already bad for you, it’s going to be worse; because for me, you could never fail, but if you do I fail with you and I don’t like the smell of failure. Don’t worry, I regret soon when I get pissed at my loved ones, I’m going to be back with you in about an hour, apologizing and then we are going to fight, even if you don’t want to. I’ll do whatever it takes to back you up and I might even just stand in front of you and take a bullet, but the fight is still yours.

I wish I could take pride in showing my emotions, but well, I don’t show them. I feel weak when I speak my heart, I feel vulnerable, I feel I’m going to be laughed at, so I’ll not talk to you for a few days, but once I’m over it, you have to listen to every minute detail of it, and don’t you dare say you need to go when I’m talking, say it before I start, not when I’m speaking. So probably when you are with me, I’ll speak a lot but I don’t speak up important things like “How much I love you”, I show them. I could write books about you, and I would show it in gestures because you are always on my mind, all you need you do is read me. But, once in a while, I fumble, I’ll probably vent out, and when I do, understand I do not cry or beg in front of people, but even if I’m at the verge if either, just understand what I’m going through, but don’t laugh or sympathize, just say “It’s going to be okay” or “Shit happens” and even if it doesn’t, I’ll believe it, because you said it.

I take pride in what I spend on you and it’s revenge-time for me if you spend even a penny or extra second of your life on me and I’m going to make up for it. You can call it my ego; I’m a nut job. Somehow, I don’t like the sight of people. I feel they can’t stand good things and you are the best thing on this planet! So we are going to click a lot of pics, if we don’t I’ll have a lot of pictures of you but I’m never going to upload any. I’ll frame them and put them all over my place and when someone asks me who is she, they are going to listen to the best story of their lives, but, I won’t go door to door telling everyone. Even though I’m introvert I love going out with you — only you, and we’ll go everywhere you say, but if I say I don’t have enough cash on me, let’s go tomorrow or let’s go somewhere else today, yes you could pay, but it’s going to be when you wish and when my pocket are full, not empty. It might not matter to you regarding who pays, but it does hurt me if you have to pay because my pockets were empty. Revenge time, remember?

No matter how many mistakes you make it’s never going to matter to me,

for all that counts to me is your effort. The effort you put in

‘us’.

Yes, I’m a nut job, ask anyone who knows me,

but you are loved with all I have in me.

If I ever say to you, “to the moon and back”, I mean it, and I mean a life, because you could drive a car to the moon and back with the energy a heart produces in a life.

Yes, I took up science.

 

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