If I Wrote you…

I wish I never met you,

I wish I never saw you,

I wish I never held you,

I wish, I wish there was no you.

I flick through the page the pages of my diary more often than not. I see you crossing by me and even though you look at me, you turn your head away, like I don’t exist. I know you think that I don’t notice but I see you turn your head and look at me when you’ve walked away, I’ve got rear view mirrors. My feet still freeze, my heart still skips a beat and passersby still ask me what am I smiling at and all this while I’ve been trying to get a closure from you. I just had one question, why? Even though, I guess, I know the answer to that.

I’ve heard your friends complain why do I still describe you in my writings, while mine complain why do I write unrealistic things. I never wrote about you, I never wrote things that weren’t goals. Even if I tried, girl you give me writer’s block. I feel like I’m short of words. I could write everything about you, but I could never write you — because, well, it hurts.

My brain freezes, the world hates me and no one talks to me when I think about you. Not even the people I make up. I have tried so many times but I just couldn’t. If I could and if I did, I don’t know how many acres of paper I would be writing on, and I don’t think I would ever stop writing if I could write you.

All this time, I missed so many chances and escaped so much that now I don’t even know what track I was on, from where did I escape? I could have done so much, but all I did was wait. I wish it was never too late to apologize and now I… I’m just glad I never got my closure because that would only mean that it has ended and good things don’t need to end. Immortal stories don’t end.

If I could write you, I would be the luckiest man on earth.

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