F.E.A.R.

“Forget Everything And Run”

“Face Everything And Rise”

“First Encounter Assault Recon” maybe? No. Gamers?

Height? Water? Closed room, dark, audience, death?

What do we fear? Why are we afraid? What crosses your mind when you hear the word?

We have been so afraid of so may things but we love them and name them like we name our pets,  like hippomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words, seriously? Why do we name them? So that we could categorize them and we could say “That I’m afraid of this something” and calm ourselves that there is nothing to worry, I’m afraid of just one thing.

Actually, we are afraid of everything because we, are afraid of loss. We tend to become so possessive about everything that passes by us that we begin to fear loosing it. Acrophobia, because we fear falling off and die thereby loose our life. Aqua phobia, claustrophobia, fears of suffocating to death by water and closed room, nyctophobia, a ghost will stab me if I couldn’t see it in the dark, Stage phobia? I’d just choke up and loose my pride and confidence and everything.

Offensive? Well it offended me too, believe me, I’ve been in those shoes, but for a second think of someone you love, something you want, someone you want to be, but they just come over to you to say “I don’t think it’s working”, the price of that ring in the jewelry store just hyped, you were demoted to an associate for the 5 minutes you were late by to a meeting, and now you give up or fight. Face everything and rise? You won’t move on, you won’t buy some other ring anyway, or face defeat in an un-fought battle. This thing remains at the back of your head and nudges you. You are on the internet searching “Could I…?” and you hear what you want even though it took the other side a million times, and then you search “How can I…?” You work, fight, save, develop, do everything in your limits and when you stop, it nudges you again and then you do what’s beyond you. You make a move and then you wait to get a chance to make another. But this thing keeps nudging you, and you are on the internet again searching “Will I ever…?” You ask their friends, family, spy on them, stalk them, to  know if they have started dating someone; you stop near that shop to see if that ring is still in the display; pass by the office to see if someone is sitting on that chair. You spend years of your life at that one goddamned thing, and one day when you think you are just inches away, you ask them out, you walk in that shop, on your way to boss’s office with you best report ever and hear – taken, sold, occupied.

You were the first to think to about climbing the Everest, but you couldn’t earlier because you weren’t ready, but today you have been through 39 days 11 hours and 8500m above sea-level on this torturous piece of land after months of training. You are a day away, might be less and there you meet one guy climbing downhill, “Howdy, where are you coming from?” you ask. “Uphill, I just marked my flag up there, it’s so pleasant there, calm and chilly” and everything comes crashing down. All these eight thousand meters this guy had always been ahead of you, just that you never knew. What do you do? Climb up and never be, or  climb down and pretend it never was.

If you feel it, your trembling feet, shivering hands and dry mouth that’s the fear of loss, a phobia without a name, at least Google doesn’t know.

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